we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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