Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
