1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
