I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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