I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
