My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
