How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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