So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
