I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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