im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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