my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize