Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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