That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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