I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
