He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
ttyl tear gas
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Randomize
