Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
