I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
