What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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