One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
