fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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