I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
