At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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