Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
