someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
