Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i think i just lost a toe
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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