Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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