the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
