Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
