when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
porn star boner night. come get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize