I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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