Small penises have feelings too.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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