make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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