So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
