I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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