she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
