I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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