Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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