your room smells of hookers.
And success
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
