Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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