the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
