p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
