I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
