I wanna passion pit in your ass
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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