Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
