I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
