Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
