i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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