Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Zerethusta hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(201): View more from New Jersey

he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing

Fav 51 1629 5710
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.

Fav 28 6351 1292
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(608): View more from Wisconsin

When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Sorry. Im on my way.

Fav 23 6540 1353
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.

Fav 2 1012 738
share tweet
(401): View more from Rhode Island

I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

Fav 8 893 1964
share tweet
(506): View more from New Brunswick

I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.

Fav 7 634 935
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(919): View more from North Carolina

its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five

Fav 0 566 481
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(314): View more from Missouri

No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.

Fav 0 77 16
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(224): View more from Illinois

Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.

Fav 0 40 11
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT