The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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