Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
