Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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