Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
