I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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