Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
