I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
