i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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