i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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