I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
