Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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