Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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