hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
