I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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