He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
