one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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