oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You made out with two different species that night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
