I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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