Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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