just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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