so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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