I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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