my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
