so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
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he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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